What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
