and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
