my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
