I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
