at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
