Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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