3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
