Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.