I wish i was in the wii world.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?