Texts From Last Night

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid

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  (306): How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid http://tfl.nu/1mq4
  Replies (9) Good night (992) Bad night (4508)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us

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  (713): the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us http://tfl.nu/zpdd
  Replies (14) Good night (6853) Bad night (877)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.

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  (503): Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out. http://tfl.nu/zwrd
  Replies (9) Good night (3671) Bad night (787)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday

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  (920): Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday http://tfl.nu/tp2d
  Replies (6) Good night (2858) Bad night (712)
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  (949): View more from California

  Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.

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  (949): Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices. http://tfl.nu/flw8
  Replies (6) Good night (3190) Bad night (1240)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.

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  (406): He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine. http://tfl.nu/2wf3
  Replies (14) Good night (1322) Bad night (3096)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.

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  (402): Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week. http://tfl.nu/y6xg
  Replies (16) Good night (3833) Bad night (1003)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time

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  (734): Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time http://tfl.nu/r01i
  Replies (7) Good night (1465) Bad night (1447)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday

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  (614): Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday http://tfl.nu/2snx
  Replies (3) Good night (886) Bad night (1892)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.

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  (402): I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham. http://tfl.nu/kvkl
  Replies (3) Good night (1413) Bad night (631)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital

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  (718): Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital http://tfl.nu/1aye
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (1443)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?

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  (248): Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya? http://tfl.nu/gd64
  Replies (5) Good night (1087) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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  (908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf
  Replies (4) Good night (1088) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.

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  (248): We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on. http://tfl.nu/3utl
  Replies (2) Good night (1830) Bad night (773)
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  (925): View more from California

  I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great

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  (925): I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great http://tfl.nu/slai
  Replies (1) Good night (651) Bad night (773)

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