Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent