I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
