He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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