Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am