2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
