Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
