I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
