OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
