i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
