Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
