we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
