I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
