And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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