I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
