i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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