My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
