Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
