woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
