I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
