You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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