So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
