Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she smelled like a LAN party
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
