I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
