I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
