It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
