So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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