You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
