so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
