I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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