I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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