You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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