Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
zippers are such a cool invention
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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