This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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