wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
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ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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