Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
