He uses pillows to masturbate.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
