i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
