I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
