Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Come back. Shots need mouths.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
