weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
