And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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