I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
