Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
