I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
