Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
