How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
