still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
