Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
