Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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