I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Terrible idea I love it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
