i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
