Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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