Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
