we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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