At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
