Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
