I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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