sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
