would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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