I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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