so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
4 words: hood of his car
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
