She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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