I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
