...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
